Our Story of Conception - Or Not??

Juan and I conceived on our honeymoon in Spain in March 2009.  I then had a miscarriage at about 7 weeks.  Since that time we have been trying to conceive again.  I had a few months of stomach issues that culminated in having my gall bladder removed in December 2009.  Since that time, we have been actively trying via a scheduled approached that has not seemed to work for us.  Every month there is so much pressure and then sadness when our hopes are dashed yet again.  My husband is 15 years older than I am and I am approaching my 35th birthday.  My biological clock is not just ticking, it's booming.  Each month I pray as I wait to see that little plus sign appear and I feel my chances dwindling more and more each month as the little negative sign appears instead.  I feel depressed and then so guilty as I am truely blessed with a great life.  I also know I'm not the only one out there with this problem.  Whay is it that those who want it, have problems conceiving and those that could care less are the most fertile females on the planet?  So I've decided to blog about my feelings as they occur.  I've dedicated this page on my blog for just that. 

Here we go-----------

3/12/2010:  Today I was so depressed that I literally could not get out of bed.  I slept for about 15 hours straight, then moved to the couch and slept another 4.  All I could think about was the fact that we did not keep to our regimented "scheduled" days of conception this month and had lost our chance yet again.  Why on earth does this affect me so much?  I do believe it is up to God and it will happen when it is supposed to happen; but why not now?  Why not us?  Especially when we want it so bad?  Then I feel miserable and selfish.  A few years ago I was alone.  At almost 30 I had almost given up hope again finding that man to share my life with.  I asked God to bring him to me and he did.  I never dreamed that at 33 I would be marrying the man of my dreams.  And now I have him.  A wonderful husband, a close family, great friends, a job that provides us with whatever type of life we want.....and yet at times I'm miserable.  Miserable and blessed.  Is that even possible?

3/13/2010:  I found a website today that had an ovulation tracker.  It said the days we tried to conceive this month were 2 of the 4 best days to conceive.  For some reason that little snippet of information changed my outlook.  I suddenly felt like maybe we had a chance this month...maybe it could happen this month.....maybe.

3/14/2010:  This morning I actually felt pregnant.  I know that is rediculous and WAY TOO soon, but I just felt a sort of tightening in my lower abdomen, similar to how I felt last time...... but I know I am crazy.  Is it possible to make up real symptoms when you want something so bad?  Then at lunch a co-worker from our Nashville office came up to say hi and said that I was looking fabulous and what was I doing?  He then said I was positively radiating and was I pregnant!  Is that even possible for someone to see at 1 week?  I seriously doubt it.  More likely, he knew of the miscarriage last year and figured by now I would be pregnant, but for a moment..... there was that glimmer of hope again.  That rush of longing, that feeling that there is more to life, that feeling that I was made to be someone's mommy.  Not a career girl, not an engineer, not a woman's lib ideology, but a mommy.

3/15/2010:  I've scheduled an appointment with my OB to discuss our next options, testing, etc.  That alone made me feel better, although I'm not sure why.  I am dead on regular with my cycles and I really don't feel that there is anything wrong, but it makes me feel better to know that we will know for sure.  Also, we are definitely to the point where we are willing to go the next step and try fertility of some sort.  I really know nothing about all of this and think that one reason I'm depressed.  I need to somehow take control of the situation.  Maybe knowledge alone will be enough control.  I also had more phantom symptoms...terribly exhausted this morning and lower back pains this afternoon.  Could it be?  Or is it all in my head?  In my head I'm sure.

3/16/2010:  No sign of any symptoms at all today.  This last week was probably just all stress and allergy related.  How depressing. I just can't seem to stop my head from thinking the most random thoughts....like we are scheduled to go on a hiking vacation in about a week and if I am pregnant, will that put me at risk since I am completely out of shape?  I know walking is good, but this is sort of the extreme kind.  Which is rediculous to even be thinking, because I'm sure I am not even pregnant.  Is there some pill I can take for all of this craziness?

3/18/2010:  Well obviously I'm a little phsyco in the head.  I am not pregnant, I got a BFN on my test today and I'm not really surprised.  I knew it was too good to be true.  Trying not to be too sad and we do have a dr. appointment scheduled this week, so I am just going to wait and see what she says.  Sad day, again.

10/17/2010:  A second miscarriage I'm sure.  I was 4 days late.  For a regular like me, I know I was pregnant or possibly a chemical pregnancy.  I never took a test to confirm.  I have been cramping for about 5 days, so I assumed it never took and if I didn't take the test and didn't see the positive pregnancy indicator that somehow that would be better.  That I wouldn't know I was pregnant so I would have to grieve.  Now I know it doesn't work like that.  I started my period today.

10/25/2010:  I am still on my period 9 days later.  I'm sure it was another miscarriage.  It is so much worse this time.  I am about to crack, about to give up, about to loose everything.

1/29/2011:  I must have gotten food poisoning last night.  We ate at Nate's and I had crab fingers.  We haven't ate out in about 2 months, so I don't know if it was the food or the grease; but I have been puking my guts up all day long.  I also have a fever, so I wonder if I could be catching a bug?

1/30/2011:  Not feeling well again today.  At least my fever broke and I'm not up-chucking; but I feel miserable and slept most of the day.

1/31/2011:  I stayed home from work today.  I can't imagine food poisoning would last this long; I must have a bug.  Still nauseous most of the day.  I did manage to eat a bit today, so that is good news.

2/1/2011:  Today we awoke to a ton of sleet and ice.  It rained sleet from about 4am on.  Everything was white, but white with ice, not snow.  I decided it was not worth the craziness on the road to make it into work.  Still not feeling great, but better.  There were 15 semi's stuck and jack-knifed on a 1 mile stretch of I-35!

2/2/2011:  Today we awoke to 5 inches of SNOW!  That's crazy in Dallas!  Needless to say, I did not venture into work again today.  Worked from home and tried to figure out why I am STILL feeling so nauseous.  I wonder if I could be pregnant?  No way!  We haven't even been trying.  After 2 years of hormones and ovulation kits and scheduled intercourse, in December I decided to give all that up.  With my 7 week hiatus from work, counseling and reevaluating my entire life I finally realized that my priorities were out of whack.  I spent those 7 weeks straightening myself out.  Figuring out what I want for my life and how to be happy.  In Nov. I would have said..... "A Baby"  Now it's more about balance, Juan, family, friends.  It makes me happy to cook dinner (a first for me EVER), to attend church, to talk and joke with my hubby, etc.  It has been a long journey, but I finally feel whole.  Wouldn't that be ironic, if the moment I am ok with finally not getting pregnant and having a baby is the moment God feels I am ready?  Again, no way!  I've been through this before.  I'M OK WITH NOT BEING PREGNANT!  I did ask Juan to pick me up a pregnancy test this afternoon, just in case.  I am regular to almost the hour and I should have started today.  The nausea is still lingering.

UPDATE:  I'm a bit in shock.  I took the test this evening and although the plus sign is really light, there appears to definitely be one there.  I had to ask Juan to come take a look and tell me if he saw a plus sign, he said that he did.  Neither of us know what to say.  I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning and take another.  Apparently we conceived on Jan. 15th, 2011 (day 11).  Stats:  pre-preganancy weight: 218lbs.

2/3/2011I took the second pregnancy test this morning.  Same result, a plus sign?????  It is so light that I really can't be sure.  Could it be? I'm so glad a have a counseling appointment today.  I feel like the world has just tilted on me.  I did share the news with my Mom and sister, although I was very clear that it is super early and I really am very tentative about getting excited.  Maybe in a couple of weeks I will feel that it's real?  I also called my OB and discussed the meds I'm on.  She said although I am taking a Women's multivitamin I really do need to switch to prenatal, so I headed off to Kroger this evening to make that purchase.  I wonder if this one could possibly take?  I was back at work today and wandered around the office in a bit of a daze.  Good thing it was a slow day and not too many people there.

2/4/2011:  We awoke to yet MORE ice this morning.  What is wrong with this weather?  I worked from home, again; and napped a LOT!  I am feeling symptoms of tenderness in my chest and mild crampiness/back-aching.  I'm wondering if I am getting ready to start my period?  The nausea is still there.  What a rollar-coaster.  The shock is wearing off, and Juan and I have talked.  That helped a lot. We are on the same page.....  "If it is meant to be, it will be."  I have finally accepted that God has a plan and a path for me and I can't force a different direction.  If we are blessed by this miracle than praise HIM!  If not, I truly feel this time I will be ok.  When I had my second miscarriage last Nov. that was definitely NOT the case.  I was in the depths of depression with no path to get out.  Now I have a path, with HIS help.  I'm not sure exactly where that path with lead, but I am content in waiting for it to reveal itself.  My OB doctor has asked me to come in on Monday for some blood work, to check my progesterone and HcG levels.  I also finally got a hold of my friends Shannon and Angie to share our news. 

2/5/2011:  Today I was thinking, how would I feel if I have another miscarriage?  I think my answer today is sad!  I know I will grieve, an appropriate amount of time.  I know this time I will be ok.  This time I don't think it would be God playing a trick on me, I think it would be Him showing me that I am ok without.  That Juan and I have a wonderful blessed life and I am whole, ok and healthy.  Everyday it feels just a bit more real.  When I spoke with my counselor on Thursday I told her that I feel myself holding back, not getting too excited, protecting myself and my emotions in case of the enevitable; but that is NOT what I want.  I have wanted this experience so bad for so long, that I want to enjoy it...even if it is only for a brief time.  I don't want to hold back my happiness or excitement behind a wall of self protection.  Today I am focusing on being in the moment with this pregnancy.  Enjoying where it is today.

2/6/2011:  Juan called his mother today to share our amazing news.  It is a struggle for me to believe it and I feel my body doing all sorts of wierd stuff everyday.  How much harder is this for him?  He is constantly watching me and asking what is wrong for every twinge and movement I make. 

2/7/2011:  Headed to the OB at lunch to have my blood work done.  Juan wanted to go with me.  We were both disappointed when all they did was draw my blood.  I thought they would confirm I was pregnant or something.  Obviously so did Juan.  We have to wait until tomorrow for the blood test information.  I had another counseling appointment today.  It helped a lot.  It is feeling more real.....every day that I don't start my period it feel a bit more real.  Doc helped me realize just how confusing this might be on Juan.  Suddenly his hawk-like observance and recent obsession with where the bowls go in the dishwasher (a dishwasher that he doesn't even know how to start) are making a bit more sense.  It is wierd how much my whole body just feels wierd.  I'm not sure how else to explain it.  The nausea is still there, but seems to come and go in waves throughout the day.  It also seems to be initiated by hunger.  I'm learning to eat every couple of hours.  Very different for me. 

2/8/2011:  I waited patiently for the blood results all day.  I finally called around 3:30pm.  I then played phone tag with the nurse until they closed.  The last message that she left me said, "I really don't want to torture you and make you wait another day, but call me tomorrow.  Everything is fine, all your results look good, just call me tomorrow to discuss in more detail."  Hmmpppphhhhhh.  Yes, this is torture.  I have to remind myself everyday.... "If it is meant to be, it will be."  It is in God's hands and I trust Him.  I also had lunch with my girlfriends: Danna, Janet and Sarah and shared my awesome news with them.  I did make sure to be very clear that it was early and there was still a fairly decent chance that I may loose it again.  Wierd that I feel I must supplement the news with those facts.  I also finally got a hold of my friend Miriam to share the news with her.  She is notorious for playing phone tag for days until I can actually speak with her.  She started a new job and was extra difficult to catch this time.

2/9/2011:  Today I am 5 weeks pregnant.  Pregnancy stats: 219lbs, although it fluxuates a bit, water weight I'm sure.  We awoke to yet another pounding of ice/snow this morning.  It is still snowing.  I stayed home, again..... I am just not comfortable taking any sort of chances right now on being in an accident.  And of course, the Dr. office was closed for the same reason.....so no test results for me today.  :(  Still no sign of my period starting.  Still nauseous and achy.  That's got to be a good sign, right?  I am 5 weeks today.

2/10/2011:  Up at 3:45am this morning for a 7am flight to KC for a project in Overland Park.  I was concerned that the roads may still be icy so I left my house at 5am.  They were clear, so I was at the airport way over an hour early.  I played phone tag with my OB nurse all morning and then finally caught up with her at about 11am.  She said my HcG levels and progesterone levels both looked good.  My HcG level was 3938.  She said the Dr. did want me to go ahead and start on prometrium twice a day through week 10.  They also wanted to schedule my first OB appointment.  She wanted me to go in next Thursday, but I am out of town again for work, so we scheduled it for the following Thursday.  I will be just over 7 weeks and it just might be real.

2/11/2011:  Soooo hungry.  I've been hungry all day and that does not do well for my nausea.  We were on site this morning in meetings and then headed to the airport for our flight.  I inhaled food at the airport and the second we touched down back in Dallas.  Exhausted as well.  Long days and a long trip.  So glad to be home.  My feet were so dry and itching so bad that I wanted to scratch my skin off. I used a ton of foot cream and lotion to now avail.  I was miserable for about 2 hours. 

2/12/2011: I am having intense night sweats.  We have been keeping it around 66 degrees at night, yet I am still waking every couple of hours just drenched in sweat.  I don't have a fever so I'm not sure what the deal is with that. I've also noticed over the last week or so that I'm up about a million times a night.  It seems to start at about midnight, 3am if I'm having a good night and then at least every hour I'm awake to either use the bathroom or stomach quesiness, or from night sweats.  Poor Juan.  We went today to buy a humidifier for our room at night.  Hopefully that will help with all this dryness and sore throat every morning.  Wow, bodies are wierd!

2/13/2011:  I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to progesterone.  I found out I was allergic to birth control pills in college.  I would break out with itchy bumps on my hands and feet. They would swell as well and it spread up my arms and legs.  I had this same break out today on my hands and feet.  Not nearly as bad, but I'm now wondering if it is the progesterone.  We never found out what it was in the birth control pills that was doing it.  My doctor just thought it was one of the hormones because I was fine with the deprovera shot version.  Hmmmmm.

2/14/2011:  I went in today for another round of blood work.  My doctor wanted to check my HcG levels one more time.  It is past the 48 hour window to see if it the numbers are doubling as they should, but it would still give us an indication that everything is ok, or not.  I told the nurse about the breakouts and she spoke with the my doctor.  My doctor was concerned, more about the reaction closing up my throat and breathing.  She recommended that I cut back and just take one prometrium a day in lieu of the two perscribed.  I haven't broke out at all today, so I really don't want to cut back on the prometrium unless the side effects are too much to bear.  I also had horrible nightmares last night that I lost the baby.  I woke up about 3 times flailing around and crying, only to go back to sleep and have the same dream over.  I dreamed that when I miscarried I did not handle it any better than last time and I sunk straight back down into the depths of depression.  I really don't think that would be the case this time, but obviously my subconscience is telling me otherwise.  I told a few more coworkers today.  I figured the best way to combat my subconscience was to not give in and assume that today I am still pregnant and today everything is fine, so why not share my news?

2/15/2011:  I got my blood test results back this afternoon.  My HcG levels are 23,000!  YES! That is very good news.  It was 3938 last Monday, so if it doubled by Wed., again by Friday, and again by Sunday it would be around 32,000 or a bit higher on Monday.  I am not quite that high but the average numbers for 6 weeks are between 1,080 to 56,500.  I dreamed last night that it was an eptopic pregnancy.  I did some reading and found out that 1 in 100 pregnancies were eptopic.  The symptoms are cramps, tenderness in the lower abdomen, bleeding or brown spotting, shoulder pain, weekness, dizziness or fainting, and nausea.  Of course I have some cramping and tenderness in my abdomen....I'm pregnant.  So who knows what these are really symptoms of.  Today was the first day that I noticed dizziness.  I was dizzy from about noon until this evening.  When I spoke with my doctors nurse today she said dizziness could be from the progesterone, from being pregnant, from not getting enough liquids, or from too much sugar.  I will be glad when they finally do an ultrasound and we can see that everything is where it should be and progressing on track.  I also haven't had another breakout, so I have not yet cut back on the prometrium.  I've decided if the breakouts reoccur and become worse, then I will cut back.

2/16/2011:  I am 6 weeks pregnant today!  Wow.  Pregnancy stats: 219.7lbs.  I've been up about 3 times every night regardless of what I do. Last night I fell asleep on the couch at about 8am and then headed to be at about 10pm.  I was up by 1am with hunger pains, or so I thought.  I ate a couple of crackers and drank some water hoping that would help; but it didn't.  I think it was heartburn.  Whatever it was, I spent the rest of the night sleeping sitting up on the couch.  I have a feeling the couch is going to become my second bed. The night sweats seem to have resided.

2/17/2011:  I am completely exhausted today.  I was up at 4am for a 7am flight to Nashville.  After being in meetings all day, our return flight was not until 7:15pm.  By the time we landed and I made it home from DFW, it was after 10pm.  My baby belly did not do so good today.  I'm not sure what it was, but my stomach was majorly upset from about 11:30am until after 6pm.  When I finally got home, I was so exhausted that I couldn't sleep.  I dozed off and on from about midnight till 3am.  

2/18/2011:  Trying to get caught up on sleep.  I slept about an hour later than usual.  I was so tired at work, that I left at about 2pm and came home to take a nap.  After about an hour and a half nap, I had to pack up for my scrappin flight to Tulsa.  My flight was at 8:45pm, but was delayed until about 9:20pm.  When I finally arrived in Tulsa around 10:30pm, I could hardly keep my eyes open to greet my friends!  At the airport in Dallas, I notice that I appeared to be tinging.  I'm not sure what else to call it.  It wasn't spotting, but there was a bit of a pink tinge.  It was about the same when I landed in Tulsa.  I was worried that it was from my lack of sleep.  I called my sister to get her take on it, but it was too late and she was already asleep.

2/19/2011:  Up at about 7am.  Didn't sleep very good, up every couple of hours.  All tinging appears to be gone.  I did get to speak with Vanessa this morning and she assured me that it was nothing to be concerned with.  I was sooooo exhausted today.  We ran around all day to scrap stores and arrived back at Angie's around 2pm.  I immediately headed upstairs to nap.  I think this was a record.  We did not even begin to scrap until about 4pm Saturday afternoon.  Then only for a couple of hours until dinner.  By 8pm I was exhausted again and off for yet another nap.  I slept until about 9:45pm and then got up to watch a movie with the girls.  I didn't last for more than 30 minutes before I was snoozing on the couch.  I finally just gave up and headed to bed.

2/20/2011:  I'm not sure why, but I've been extra nauseated and dizzy this weekend.  I have managed to stay away from the sugar and the sodas and stick with healthy choices, but I am still just feeling kind of yucky.  I headed in for another nap from about 10:30am until noon.  All this napping has not left much time for scrapping!  I just can't seem to help it, it is like I am running in slow motion.  My flight back to Dallas is at 7:30pm tonight.

2/21/2011:  I felt extra terrible this morning.  Super nauseous, achy and man to my boobs hurt.  Everything smells funky!  Stayed home today and slept most of the day hoping I would be better.  Symptoms are good right?

2/22/2011:  Still feeling terrible today, but I did make it into work.  Had a pedicure after work, but I didn't let them do any of the massaging.  Just nail cleaning and painting.  They did use hot rocks and towels on my legs.  Also, girl scout cookies came in today....great.  I have been doing so good and now we have like 13 boxes of cookies in the house.  I confess I was bad and ate almost 1/2 a box of thin mints this evening.  :(

2/23/2011:  Today I am 7 weeks pregnant.  Pregnancy stats: 220.5 lbs.  I had meetings all today at the Medical Center of Plano for their LDR renovation.  While touring the C-section suite I realized I was bleeding....that or I had just wet myself.  Unfortunately it was blood and what seemed to me to be a lot.  The director told me to get off my feet and call my doctor.  As my first OB appointment is tomorrow and they will be doing a sonogram, my doctor said there really wasn't anything I could do except relax and wait until tomorrow.  This was at 12:00 noon.  By 2pm most of the bleeding seemed to have stopped, but it seems like everytime I use the restroom it starts back up more heavily.  Was it the cookies or the pedicure?  I can't think of anything that I did.  Juan scared me a lot.  He came home and layed down with me and just started crying uncontrollably.  He thinks it's his fault and that God is punishing us because he was a "bad father" the first time around.  He is so angry with God.  We knew this was a possibility and he has really been holding back his excitement.  This week I think he finally started believing it was real.  It broke my heart to see him in such pain and confussion.  I'll be ok. I know that, although I have a feeling the grief is going to hurt more than I hoped it would; but I am really worried about Juan.  How do I help him?  For now, it looks like tomorrow is not going to be the exciting day we were hoping for.

2/24/2011:  I didn't bleed anymore all night, but I feel off and on cramping and a mildly painful pressure at my va-j-j.  Of course I don't know if that is just normal uterus cramping or miscarriage cramping.  I also don't seem to be nauseous this morning, although I took my pills on an empty stomach and within about 10 minutes I was hurling everything back up.  Of course this could be nerves from my pending OB appointment today.  Our original appointment was 1:30pm, but the stenographer was not going to be there so they rescheduled us for 10:20am.  We went in for the sonogram first.    I could instantly tell that she was having problems locating anything.  I finally asked her if it was "a fake pregnancy".  "Is there nothing there?" I asked.  She said that I have an enlarged uterus and she was having some difficulty locating the fetus within the sac.  Then she said it appeared I had fibroids and that was causing additional difficulty in what she could see.  My heart sank and she continued to pillage my uterus.  Suddenly there were two sacs!  Apparently it was twins!!!  One had not properly formed and was not viable, but the second appeared to be ok.  She began to take measurements and told us it was tracking at 7 weeks 5 days.  We also saw the heart beat! It was just a little flicker, but it looked strong.  It was beating 142 beats per minute, which was great.  They think the bleeding yesterday was possibly from the first non-viable fetus or possibly just natural spotting; there is really no way to know for sure; but the rest of the exam went very well and everything seems to be progressing normally!  The doctor said the second fetus would probably just absorb the first and had we not had the sonogram today, we would have never known about the twin.  I didn't even realize twins ran in my family.  My grandmother's - father's - mother had twins.  Apparently my grandma's cousin also had twins and they are the most recent set.  My first OB appointment I weighed 222.2.....I really wanted to ask to take off all my clothes. LOL!  The doctor said I needed to spend the next couple of days with my feet up relaxing and then I needed to not be strenuous after that; basically go to work and then go home and lay down.  I cancelled my scrapbook retreat for this weekend.  I just don't want to risk anything.  We were in shock yet again.  We prepared ourselves for the worst and never dreamed we would get such wonderful news.  I prayed to God for a miracle and the last 24 hours has been pretty rough.  God answered our prayers!

2/25/2011:  Layed on the couch all day today.  Worried everytime I went to the bathroom, but everything appears to be ok, so far.

2/26/2011:  Another day of resting, everything still seems fine, but I have been having a few sharp pains along the edge of my pelvic bone...I think this is normal, or at least that's what I am choosing to believe for now. 

2/27/2011:  Still waking every morning between 3am and 4 am with reflux issues and not going back to sleep.  The couch is quickly becoming my bed of choice.  Stayed layed down today, except for church and Sandra Miller's baby shower.  That alone exhausted me.  I've been exceptionally nauseous and bloated today....lovely, I know!

3/1/2011:  Today I awoke to terrible lower back pain.  I was really worried, as I didn't know if this was normal or not.  It only lasted for an hour or so, so I guess it was just another pregnancy symptom.  Dr. called today to tell me that the blood test results were in from last week and that everything looks great! Yeah!

3/2/2011:  Today I am 8 weeks pregnant!  Pregnancy stats: weight 221.4. My boobs are huge! Ok, they have always been large, but seriously. Everymorning I wake up to pain in that region, I have even contemplated wearing a bra to bed.  I am still having nausea, everyday on the dot at 10:30am.  It seems to stay with me until about 3:30 or so. Besides all of this, everything still seems to be going great. I still pray everyday that my little raspberry continues to grow!

3/3/2011:  Yes it is 4am, again.  Every morning this week, hmmmpphhh. I wore an empire shirt yesterday and I swear I looked pregnant.  I can't believe that because I'm sure all the weight that I've gained is in my chest area.  Also, I haven't really noticed my pants being tighter, except once in awhile which I attributed to bloating. 

3/4/2011:  Today I started having discharge, it wasn't a lot and it was definitely old blood, which the doctor warned me might happen with the second sac, but it still worried me.  Juan has been extra overprotective lately.  I think he is definitely feeling some anxiety as well.  We were installing some Elfa at Mom's this evening and he wouldn't even let me put a bracket up.  Can you say a little overboard?  I do understand though, we are so nervous and axious about this pregnancy.

3/5/2011:  Juan went to San Antonio to visit Jaime today and I spent the day on the couch.  Still having discharge and now I seem to be cramping too.  I know logically that everything is probably fine, but I am still worried.

3/6/2011:  We did mangage to go to church, the grocery store and I had lunch with Miriam today, but then it was back to the couch.  I'm surprised and a bit worried as I am still discharging and now I'm also having a lot of lower back pain.

3/7/2011:  Had another OB appointment today.  They didn't really do anything except ask us some questions and have me pee in a cup.  I was very surprised.  I thought they would some sort of exam, especially as I am still discharging.  The doctor said it is too early to hear the external heartbeat so she didn't even want to try because it would just worry us.  She is probably right about that.  As far as examining me, she said there really wouldn't be anything to determine.  She thought the discharge and cramping were perfectly normal with that second sac and even if I was losing it, there was nothing we could do to stop it.  She reminded us that after everything we've been through, getting pregnant is truly a miracle and we should just enjoy it.  Everything she said makes perfect sense but I can't get over the fact that I feel like something is wrong and that either we are going to lose it or it is going to have down syndrome or something.  I don't know if the meds are finally out of my system, the hormones are overactive or what, but I've been seriously depressed all weekend.  Juan keeps telling me to just "be happy"; but right now that seems impossible.  I spent the remainder of the day on the couch.   Weight: 222.4 lbs.

3/8/2011:  I still seem to be on an emotional rollarcoaster.  Why am I so sad?  I should be happy, I know this yet I can't be.  Then I suddenly feel that I'm sad because I know something is going to go wrong and this is God's way of warning me.  Juan mentioned today that he liked the name Lucian and I bit his head off.  We are not going there yet, we are not jumping into names and nursery colors and what ifs.  That is so wrong, yet I can't help it.  Yes, I am still discharging.

3/9/2011:  Today I am 9 weeks pregnant, our baby is the size of a grape! Pregnancy stats: weight 220 lbs.  Yes, I seriously lost weight from last week! Whoo hooo, unfortunately I am still discharging.  I really do think it's the other sac, as it seems to sort of increase and then decrease but remains constant.  I woke this morning and felt completely fine....no depression, no cramping, no nausea, and no sore breasts; then I freaked out.  If I don't have any symptoms am I losing it?  I had a couseling appointment with Marilyn today and she talked me off the ledge.  At least she helped me realize that elevated emotions after everything that has happened the past couple of months is probably normal, or as normal as normal is.  I need to think of the emotional upheaval as just another pregnancy symptom and not dwell on it. 

3/10/2011:  Today I felt better about things, yes I am still discharging....I feel like that is never going to stop; but at least emotionally I have plateau'd for awhile.  I've been scrappin in the evening and I think that has definitely helped.   I haven't been waking up at 4am tihs week; or at least I'm able to fall back asleep.  I'm still tired a lot, but even that seems to be slightly subsiding.  I managed to stay up until 10 or 11pm almost everynight this week  I also ate a ton of cool ranch doritos this evening.  We only bought them because they were free with a coupon, bad decision!

3/11/2011:  I spoke too soon, I am up again this morning at 4:45am, of course I think it is my fault this time......all those chips last night!  I've noticed this week that my pants are perfectly loose when I get up in the morning and by about lunchtime they are tight.  It's like my body is saying, yep you are pregnant, no you are not, yes you are, no you're not!  I guess I shouldn't be complaining that my clothes still fit.  I do think a belly band is in my very near future.

3/16/2011:  Today I am 10 weeks pregnant, our baby is the size of a kumquat! Pregnancy stats: weight 219.4 lbs. Yes, I seriously lost weight from last week again! I am beginning to get a little nervous about loosing weight instead of gaining.  This week my boobs have been sore and I've been still having nausea throughout the day, but it seems to be subsiding a bit.  Still not in maternity clothes, although I feel like I'm bloated around the tummy.  My pants do get a little tight in the waist in the afternoons.

3/17/2011: Today I think I finally stopped discharging. I'm hopeful at least.

3/18/2011:  Nope, I was wrong; still discharging.  Is this ever going to stop?

3/20/2011: Ok, I think today I stopped discharging for real.  At least I hope. 

3/21/2011:  Ok, this morning I weighed myself and I was at 216.4 lbs! That is two pounds less than my starting baby weight.  I am really worried now.  I did call the doctor and they said it was probably normal if I've changed my eating habits and am now eating healthy.  The only problem is that I am not being 100% healthy. I am still eating chips with my sandwich and a few cookies here and there.  I am trying to eat better, but I'm not sure about this weight loss.  What if the baby isn't growing anymore?  The doctor said we'll just watch it and check it again next week and if I'm still loosing at the same rate then we'll check a few more things.  She said she really wasn't worried about the baby at this point, but weight loss could signify something with me.  She also said they did a thyroid test with my last bloodwork and everything was fine.

3/22/2011:  Weighed this morning and I'm at 223.2 lbs.....WHAT?  I gained 7 pounds in one day?  REALLY?  How is that possible? 

3/23/2011:  Today I am 11 weeks pregnant! That seems crazy, I am almost to my 2nd trimester.  I am so worried about the test next week; but also looking forward to getting it over with. I have been praying everyday that everything is fine and there are no genetic issues.  I also think once we hear the heartbeat, I will hopefully relax a little more.  We also may find out the baby's sex.  I am adament about finding out, but Juan doesn't want to know.  Yeah right, we'll see how long that lasts when I know and he doesn't.  Today our baby the size of a fig!  What else is wierd, all signs of discharge and spotting have gone away; but I have had worse afternoon sickness this week than any so far! Everyday this week I have been extremely nauseous from about 2pm until 6:30pm or so.  I had to fly to Austin today for work and I almost couldn't make myself go.  I sucked it up, but I was miserable.  Weight: 219.4 lbs.

3/25/2011: Still having terrible afternoon sickness, still from about 2pm until 6:30pm.  I worked from home yesterday because I was nauseous all stinking day.  Today I made it to work, but left at about 2:30 because I was so miserable.  Came home and took a couple hour nap.

3/26/2011:  I realized yesterday that I haven't even started a pregnancy journal.  I guess this counts a little; but the first time I got pregnant I had most the entire journal filled out by week 6.  This time, I haven't even purchased one. I looked at the ones from my first miscarriage, but I feel like this baby should have a fresh book.  I think I am still so nervous about really being pregnant that I am still leary to get anything.  I haven't even bought any maternity clothes.  I desperately need a bra and it won't be long before I need pants. I am wearing the same pair of black slacks everyday to work.

3/27/2011:  Weight today: 221.0 lbs.  We bought a pregnancy journal today! I feel like a huge slacker.  Nauseous from about 10am until 8pm today. I thought nausea was supposed to lessen by the 2nd trimester, not get worse!  I also finally tried on the maternity clothes that Vanessa gave me.  Only one shirt worked, but all three slacks and the jeans fit! Yeah!  Juan is adament about buying me expensive maternity clothes.  I could care less, and I am thrilled to have a couple of things to tide me over. I am NOT buying maternity clothes until after our appointment on Thursday.  I was surprised the slacks fit.  I am about 3 sizes bigger than my sister.  The slacks were all size 16 which I am no where close to.  I guess because I have such an odd body shape, I always have to get a larger size because of my big belly, but then they are too long and sag in the butt and crotch; but these pregnancy pants have stretch waist so they actually fit me very well, for now.  I told Juan I was going to have to start buying maternity pants all the time, LOL! He did not think that was funny.

3/30/2011:  Today I am 12 weeks pregnant!  Pregnancy stats: 221.7 lbs.  The baby is the size of a lime and 2 inches long.  I have been a little better this week, nausea wise; but still not great in the afternoons.  My breasts are not quite as tender as they have been and the tiredness has seemed to wane a bit.

3/31/2011: Today was our 2nd official Dr. visit. Today was the "genetic testing".  They did a sonogram, this one was exterior on my tummy....wow the baby has grown that much? At almost 13 weeks, I assumed this one would still be vaginal.  The baby definitely has Juan's A.D.D.  LOL, the baby was constantly rolling and the tech had a bit of a problem getting the baby in the right position.  They check for a few things when the do the genetic testing. First they measured the distance of the head to neck, although I don't know how she could tell which was the  neck.  If it is 3 cm or less, that is a good indicator and our little peep was at 1 cm.  They also check for a nasal bone, which our little alien had.....pause on alien.  The tech gave us a photo of the profile, which I could totally see and one of the face....which totally looks like an alien! The eyes are like stips vertical and nothing like a baby.  So from this point forward, I'm referring to our baby as the little alien.  Back to the testing, they also took 5 drops of blood from my finger.  The blood test tells them what is the percent likelihood that the baby could have genetic issues; but we won't find out those results for 10 days!  Also, based on the last ultrasound the baby should be at 12 weeks, 5 days and the baby today measured 12 weeks, 4 days. The doctor said that she wasn't concerned about the one day difference at all and that everything was green lights and positive.  The heartbeat on the sonogram was at 165 beats per minute, although we still couldn't hear it on the doppler externally.  The doctor said she wasn't worried as the sonogram is a better test than the doppler and it was probably just a little too soon and we would try again next appointment. My weigh in was 223.6, only 1.5 lbs up from the appointment a month ago and I ate lunch right before my appointment so that is also good.  Doc also said it was ok to stop taking the progesterone!  It's just crazy thinking there is a baby inside me growing.

4/3/2011: Feeling a bit miserable today and super tired. I went to bed last night about 9:30pm and slept until 7am.  Then I was nodding off in church and had to nap on the ride to brunch with the in-laws. Afterwards I managed to force myself to go with Mom shopping for some MUCH needed BRAS! I have sooooo outgrown mine.  We found a great place "Intimacy" in Northpark and they were the most comfortable, most supportive, best looking, most expensive bras I've ever purchased! I'm a bit horrified that I spent $686 on 4 bras and 5 pairs of underwear, but it was sooooo worth it.  That will teach Juan to tell me that our baby needs the best.....I took that to mean the little aliens mama needs the best too! LOL.  I was home by 3pm and napped until 6:30pm.  I then was in bed by 9pm. I am super exhausted!

4/4/2011:  Woke up this morning about 4am to cramping and mild pains in my belly.  I also had extreme heartburn, so sleeping was out of the question.  As the morning progressed, so did my nausea.  I'm staying home today and resting. I am sure everything is fine and I'm not spotting at all, so it's probably just gas or something; but everything freaks me out right now so I'm not taking any chances! Also, I'm STILL exhausted....geez, how much can one person sleep?

4/5/2011:  Tomorrow I'm 13 weeks pregnant! We went to our OB last Thursday for the Nuchal Transluceny test. This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help assess our baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) (trisomy 21), Edwards syndrome (trisomy 18), and Patau syndrome (trisomy 13), as well as major congenital heart problems.

Trisomy 18 and trisomy 13 are genetic disorders that include a combination of birth defects including severe mental retardation, as well as health problems involving nearly every organ system in the body. Unfortunately, 90 percent of babies born with trisomy 18 or 13 die by age 1. It is important to note that 5 to 10 percent of babies with trisomy 18 or 13 do survive the first year of life. Therefore, these disorders are not universally fatal and, in the absence of any immediate life-threatening problems, accurate predictions of life expectancy are difficult to make. There are a few reports of babies with trisomy 18 or 13 surviving to their teens, however, this is unusual.

The NT test uses ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of the developing baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average.

The NT scan must be done when you're between 11 and 14 weeks pregnant. (The last day you can have it done is the day you turn 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant.) We did it in combination with a blood test in what's known as first-trimester combined screening.

Like other screening tests, an NT scan won't give us a diagnosis. But it can assess our baby's risk for certain problems.
The sonographer first confirmed our baby's gestational age by measuring him from crown to rump to see if he's about the size he should be for his age. Our little alien was tracking right on schedule at 12 weeks, 4 days. Based on our last sonogram it should be at 12 weeks, 5 days; but the OB was not worried about a single day discrepancy. Then the tech positions the sensor, called the transducer, over my abdomen so that our baby's nuchal fold area shows up on the monitor and measures the thickness of it on the screen with calipers.Our OB was looking for 3cm or less measurement and our baby was 1cm!

Another item they look for is whether or not there is a nasal bone present. A nasal bone is a good indicator that all is well. Our little one looked like an alien, but did have a nasal bone!
Our baby's chances of having a chromosomal abnormality are determined by the nuchal fold measurement, our age, and our baby's gestational age. Since we had the combined screening, the blood test results were also be factored in.

Our age is factored in because although anyone can have a baby with a chromosomal abnormality, the risk increases as you age. For example, your likelihood of carrying a baby with Down syndrome ranges from about 1 in 1,295 at age 20 to about 1 in 82 at age 40. Both Juan and I are in the "increased risk range" with me at 35 and Juan at 50, so I have been very worried about the results of this test.

Our results were screen NEGATIVE!!!!

What does that mean?
Our odds for having a baby with DS were 1:250 prior to the screening; and are now 1:3118.
Our odds for having a baby with Trisomy 18 or 13 were 1:450 prior to the screening; and are now 1:9000.

Although a normal screening result (screen negative) isn't a guarantee that our baby has normal chromosomes, but it does suggest that a problem is unlikely.

Overall, this is VERY POSITIVE news and we are very thankful to God! It seems we are hurdling each new step like pros.
On a different note, I am still having pretty severe pains in my stomach. I stayed home again today intending to head to the doctors to get checked out.  When I spoke with the doctor, she indicated it is probably Round Ligament Pain! 

Round ligament pain generally refers to a brief, sharp, stabbing pain or a longer-lasting dull ache that pregnant women commonly feel in the lower abdomen or groin, starting in the second trimester.
"You may feel round ligament pain as a short jabbing sensation if you suddenly change position, such as when you're getting out of bed or out of a chair or when you cough, roll over in bed, or get out of the bathtub. You may feel it as a dull ache after a particularly active day — when you've been walking a lot or doing some other physical activity.

The round ligaments surround your uterus in your pelvis. As your uterus grows during pregnancy, the ligaments stretch and thicken to accommodate and support it. These changes can occasionally cause pain on one or both sides of your abdomen.

You may feel the pain starting from deep inside your groin, moving upward and outward on either side to the top of your hips. The pain is internal, but if you were to trace it on your skin, it would follow the bikini line on a very high-cut bathing suit."

This seems to be exactly what I am experiencing, so I guess I can stop freaking out about that!

4/6/2011 - I am officially 13 weeks pregnant today! Yeah, second trimester here we come!  Weight - 221.1 lbs.  Nausea....still kicking. This week I've been eceptionally tired again.  This week, our baby is the size of a medium shrimp!

4/7/2011 - I saw this quote on a website and desperately want to scrap it.  "Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here for an hour, I would die for you.  This is the Miracle of Life." Maureen Hawkins.

4/13/2011 - I am officially 14 weeks pregnant today!  This week, our little alien is the size of a lemon.  Stats: 223.9 lbs.  Juan told me today that my chacangas were so big that his baby would NEVER go hungry!  I tried to explain to him that size has no correlation with how much milk is produced; but I don't think he quite gets it.

4/20/2011 - I am officially 15 weeks pregnant today!  This week, our little alien is the size of an apple.  Stats: weight 224.5 lbs

4/23/2011 - Mom and I went to the Scrappin Pad in Talequah this weekend to scrap and I had my first pre-natal massage.  It was wonderfully amazing.  She worked on my left siatic nerve which was really tight and my right shoulder that's been bothering me.  I think both of these things are a result of trying to sleep, uncomfortably, on my left side at night.

4/27/2011 - I am officially 16 weeks pregnant today!  This week, our little alien is the size of an avocado.  Pregnancy stats: 223.6 lbs.  I've noticed that my pants are all a little too tight this week.  I think my baby belly is beginning to pooch too much for regular pants.  I am pretty happy that I've managed to control my weight so much.  Only 5 lbs gain since I first got pregnant.  I'm hoping to keep that stat under control until the thrid trimester.  This week was a horribly stressful week at work.  I worked until almost 11pm every night this week and have been running on empty.  I need this weekend to relax and catch up on sleep!

4/28/2011 - We had our monthly OB doctor's appointment today.  Official weight: 224.4lbs.  Blood pressure was great, they drew blood as well.  Most importantly, we FINALLY heard the heartbeat!!!!  Strong and fast, it was quite amazing.  Juan and I both recorded it on our I-Phones.  Since I am 35 years old, my dr. has recommended a level 2 sonogram for the 20 week check.  This one is more in depth and checks everything from measuring sections of the heart to length of the leg bones.  I have to go to a specialist and hopefully we will learn the sex of the baby at that appoinment.

4/29/2011 - I wore my last pair of fittable jeans for the last time today, without a belly band!  I had to unbutton my pants most of the day.  Looks like the belly band/pregnancy pants are here whether I'm ready for them or now!  Weight - 223.7 lbs. 

4/30/2011 - Today is the first day I don't feel like a bloated cow! I actually look slightly pregnant, while standing naked in front of a mirror at least.  Weight: 223.4 lbs.  We shopped a few baby stores today and saw some adorable baby outfits.   It's a very good thing we don't know what the sex is, we would have bought everything in sight.  I also ordered a pregnancy pillow on line today.  I have really been trying to sleep on my left side the last few weeks, but my doctor says that now it is important and I shouldn't sleep on my back any longer.  No matter how many pillows I pile up, I can seem to stay on my left side. I wake up 3-4 times a night and I'm ALWAYS on my back.  I'm hoping this pregnancy pillow will do the trick.

5/1/2011 - Mom and I went shopping for maternity clothes today.  Didn't have a whole lot of luck at "Pickles and Ice Cream" and absolutely NO luck at "A Pea in the Pod".  They didn't have anything over a Large, what the heck?  Big girls get pregnant too!  Then we went to Motherhood Maternity and hit the jackpot.  They do have larger sizes, but for the most part, the XL fit just fine.  We were there for HOURs and they were very helpful, even getting us water and orange juice when we were dragging.  I pretty much found my entire wardrobe.  Now I just need to find shoes!  I HATE clothes shopping, so I was estatic to have it done. Weight - 124.9lbs. 

5/2/2011 - Went way too hard last week and this weekend.  It stormed all night so between the hail, the thunder, the lightning and the baby I didn't get much rest.  I stayed home today to rest, but so far have been working remotely ALL MORNING!  OB nurse just called with my blood work results from the neural-tube defect test.  This includes things like spina bifida.  It was NEGATIVE!!!! Yeah, just one more hurdle we've leaped!  I'm sooooo happy that everything continues to be positive and on track!

5/3/2011 - Weight check 224.8 lbs

5/4/2011 - Weight check 225.6 lbs.  I am officially 17 weeks pregnant today!  This week, our little alien is the size of a turnip!

5/5/2011 - Weight check 226.4 lbs

5/6/2011 - Weight check 227.3 lbs

5/7/2011 - Weight check 224.4 lbs

5/8/2011 - Weight check 228.3 lbs

5/11/2011 - I am officially 18 weeks pregnant today!  Our baby is 5-1/2" long and is the size of a bell pepper.

5/13/2011 - I was flying back from Kansas City this afternoon and we hit a ton of turbulence.  I really think I felt Coco move for the first time; but it took me awhile before I figured out that was what it was.  It could have been the turbulence, but it felt like little air bubbles being caught in my upper stomach.  I was surprised that it was so high, clear up between my ribs and I expected it to be lower in my stomach.

5/14/2011 - Mom came over and helped me pack the house all day today.  She arrived at 5am and didn't leave until almost 8pm.  It was ridiculously crazy.  Juan told the contractors they could start early, so we were competing with the dust from the bathroom demolition, limited space, and Juan trying to do ALL the lifting.  Not planned out well!

5/15/2011 - My brother-in-laws, Jeff and Marco arrived this morning to help Juan move out the boxes and furniture to load the POD.  They did a great job, but it was a ton of work.  By the end of the day we still were not completely moved out and Juan and I were both physically exhausted.  I could barely walk.

5/16/2011 - We had our level II sonogram for "advanced maternal age" today.  We also found out it's a GIRL!  She is 10oz and everything is perfect.  She is in the 30th percentile and the doctor indicated that anything over the 10th percentile is normal.  During the sonogram, Juan said, "Is that a vagina?" the doctor sort of skirted his question and then a few minutes later said, "Yes, daddy, it is a girl."  Right after that I looked over at Juan to see him frantically texting on his phone.  He literally missed the rest of the sonogram because he was too busy spreading the word.  After the appointment, he said, "She did have two arms and two legs, right?"  I replied, "Yes, and two ears."  He replied, "She didn't show us her ears."  Too which I responded, "Yes she did, you were just too busy texting to pay attention!!!"  Needless to say, he is very excited.  I was too.  After we left, I couldn't stop bawling.  I was just so happy that everything was ok.  After all the packing and straining over the past week and a half, I was really worried that something would be wrong.  I also don't think I really thought it was going to happen until they told us it was a girl.  Now it sort of seems real.  As we were driving around after the appointment, Juan says, "Oh my gosh, our baby is part mexican, part white....she's a little coconut!  We should call her Coco!"  We are NOT naming our baby Coco, but that has quickly become her nickname.

5/17/2011 - Weight check 224.0 lbs, but I am using Mom's scale and I think it might be off. Tonight I definitely felt Coco move.  I was sitting in Mom's chair and looking at baby bedding and I couldn't figure out why my stomach was feeling so funny, then I realized it was her moving.  I am sure of it this time.  Like little flip flops.

5/18/2011 - I am officially 19 weeks pregnant today!  She is about the size of a large heirloom tomato.  Today Juan was talking to the baby and said, "Coco, you are going to love me more than anyone has ever loved me; because I am going to give you anything you want!"  He cracks me up!

5/19/2011 - Tonight Juan was feeling my tummy and said he could feel Coco moving.  I think he is crazy because I couldn't even feel her at the time; but he swears he could feel her.

5/20/2011 - Tonight Coco is moving all over the place, up high between my ribs.  It feels like heartburn, but then I feel the little bubble.

5/25/2011 - I am officially 20 weeks pregnant today! I don't know my weight since we've packed up our house for the renovations, but we haven't been eating as healthy as we were in our house. I'm at the halfway mark! Our baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. She's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (The way our baby is measured changes now.) We picked a name, we are not telling anyone, because I really don't want to hear any opinions or let anyone give me any doubts.  Also I am pretty sure about the name, Juan is 100%; but I still want the option to change it if it doesn't suit her.

5/26/2011 -  Today we had our monthly doctor's visit.  My blood pressure was spot on and she measured my belly and listened for the heartbeat.  I was a little concerned because I haven't really felt her move around a whole lot; but Dr. Farrow said everything was looking good. Weight 227.3 lbs. Juan said he was more exhausted than I was so he layed on the table instead of me before the doctor came in.

6/1/2011 - Today I am officially 21 weeks pregnant!  Our baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot.  Still not back in our home, so weight is unknown.

6/3/2011 - Today I gave in to Juan as he was dying to tell people her name, I was too, but I could have held out.  He sent a text to Felipe telling him the name, so I immediately called Mom and Vanessa to spill the beans as well!  We are not sure of the spelling yet, but her name is Madalynne Grace.  Of course, I'm pretty sure she will always be Coco!  :)

6/8/2011 - Today I am officially 22 weeks pregnant!  At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, our baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn.  Still no weight update.

6/9/2011 - We finally moved back into our house today.  The carpet was installed today and our POD was delivereed with our funiture.  We managed to unload the bed tonight; but the rest we will unload tomorrow. 

6/11/2011 - Weight update: 229.5 lbs.

6/15/2011 - Today I am officially 23 weeks pregnant!  Weight update: 226.8 lbs. This week our baby can feel me dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), we should be able to see her squirm underneath my clothes; although we haven't seen that yet.  Juan constantly feels my tummy waiting for her to move.  He also kisses my belly and talks to her constantly, although it is usually just "Coco, what are you doing in there.  Coco, come out."

6/16/2011 - Absolutely exhausted from moving back in the last few days.  Last night I awoke with the most horrible charlie horse in my leg.  Every muscle in my body aches.

6/19/2011 - Vanessa helped me move in the rest of our boxes from indoor storage today and then I unpacked almost 45 boxes in my loft.  So tired!  Weight update: 229.5 lbs.

6/22/2011 - Today I am officially 24 weeks pregnant!  This is a major hurdle as if Cocoa is born now, she can survive.  Of course, I'm not ready for her to come out yet; but at least we've jumped one more hurdle.  I also had my monthly OBGYN visit today.  Everything was good, including the heartbeat.  I was still concerned that she hasn't been moving much, and Dr. Farrow said I have probably been too busy moving in to notice.  She recommended drinking cold water, laying on my left side, and turning off all TV's/radio's/etc. and being still.  I think I'll try that tonight.  Weight update: 230.1 lbs, 232.1 lbs at the Dr. office.  Next month I take the Glucose screening test.  This week Coco should have gained about 4 ounces, and be just over 1 pound.  She is almost a foot long, about the length of an ear of corn.  I also started feeling weird movment in my lower belly.  At first I thought it was gas, but now I think it was Coco!

6/23/2011  I've been feeling a lot of those same wierd movements in my lower belly today.  Now I really think it's Coco! 

6/24/2011  Weight update: 231.1 lbs, today I am feeling her move a lot and I'm positive the lower belly movements are her!  Juan can even feel them at the same time I can.  Very strange, but very cool!

6/25/2011:  Found out today that my bestie, Angie, just got a baby!!!  They have been waiting patiently to adopt for like 2 years!  They got a call Friday and there is a newborn for them to take home tomorrow!  Guess what, it's a GIRL!!!  Now our little girls will be 3 months apart.  How adorable and sweet is that?  They named her Kayla!  I can't wait for them to meet!

6/26/2011  Had to make a trip to Destination Maternity today for more clothes.  I can't believe that I've already grown out of so many that I bought just a few short weeks ago!  I also bought more tummy oil as my stretch marks are down right visible.  I need to do something to get them to disappear!

6/27/2011  Weight update:  231.3 lbs.  Eating much better today, finally!  I swear, looking down at my stomach today that my right side is bigger than my left.  I think she is hanging out on my right.  It's very wierd, but I swear it is obvious to me! 

6/29/2011  Today I am officially 25 weeks pregnant!  Ok this is crazy but my right side is WAY bigger thank my left.  I even have way more stretch marks on that side.  Coco needs to even out!  LOL.  Weight update: 231.9 lbs.  This week she is 13-1/2" from head to heels and weighs about a pound and a half.  She is about the size of an average rutabaga!  She is moving around a lot more now. 

7/4/2011  Coco is dropping, I swear!  She has always been really high up at my rib cage and today I noticed that she isn't there anymore.  She sunk way down, ok at least a couple of inches.  Now I'm afraid that means she is going to arrive way early.  She needs to stay in there for the next 14 weeks!

7/5/2011  Juan thinks I'm crazy, but I know she has dropped.  He said if she has, then it's because she got heavy and sank.  Whatever!  I don't think he quite understands how the whole inner female thing works.

7/6/2011  Today I am officially 26 weeks pregnant!  This week I am really starting to feel big.  It is much harder to get up and down, especially from bed in the mornings.  She is also very active, just in the last couple of days; but now it is different.  Instead of feeling her high when she moves, it is way down low...almost to my chahula!  And it sort of feels like little spasms.  I keep having this reoccuring dream that I look down at my belly and here little face and hands are pushed clear through almost my skin and I can make out every feature and detail; but then I panic that she is suffocating.  How wierd!  Weight update: 230.2 lbs.  She is now about 14" long from head to heel and weighs about a pound and 2/3rds, about the size of an English hothouse cucumber.  For some reason that makes me laugh. 

7/13/2011 Today I am officially 27 weeks pregnant!  It's beginning to get difficult to bend over and to get in and out of bed.  Weight update: 233.1 lbs. This week, our baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14-1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning - with a lot of medical help - if she were born now.  Next week is my next doctors appointment and my glucose screening test.

7/17/2011 - I saw my tummy move today.  It was like little spasms and greatly surprised me!

7/20/2011 Today I am officially 28 weeks pregnant!  I am very concerned with my weight increase this week.  I seem to be skyrocketing and I am nervous that it's justational diebetes.  I am 235 lbs today.  My next doctors appointment is tomorrow and the big test day. Our baby weighs two and a quarter pounds, like a Chinese cabbage, and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels.  She can open and close her eyes, which now sport lashes.  This movement is more of a reflexive blink than a deliberate openeing and closing, but it won't be long before she's batting those eyes at us!

7/21/2011 Today was our OB appointment. My weight this morning was 233.8 lbs.  I also broke out bad again this morning on my feet, hands, and arms.  They drew my blood for the glucose screening test, after I drank my orange liquid.  My blood pressure was good at 120/72.  I won't get my glucose results until tomorrow; but when I expressed concern to Dr. Farrow about my weight gain this week, she said that I hadn't gained ANYTHING in the last month based on their records and had only gained 10 lbs since my first appointment.  That made me feel a lot better.  At the doctor's my weight was 232.1 (with clothes on) which was no gain from last month.  Yeah!

7/22/2011 The nurse called from my OB this afternoon and my glucose test was negative!!!!  I don't even have to take the 3 hour test. YEAH!!!!  She said the protein levels in my urine were fine and everything looked great.  YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!  I was really worried about that.  We also bought the Elfa for Coco's closet today and got it all installed this evening.  There is a corner with a desk for Juan to study and a little minature desk for Coco right next to him.  It's so cute and he's so excited about it.

7/23/2011 We worked on cleaning out the boxes from Coco's room all day today.  We made a lot of progress, but still a long way to go.

7/24/2011 We finished cleaning out Coco's room today.  We even vacuumed and put out the little pink rug that arrived on Friday.  The room is now empty and waiting for the baby items to arrive...guess I need to order some furniture.

7/25/2011  Today after work, Juan was in the closet studying and I went in to talk to him and he looked at my belly and said "What happened? You got so big today!"  I think he must of been at a different viewing angle, but it was pretty funny.

7/26/2011 I'm pretty sure I felt my first contraction this evening.  It might have been braxton hicks contractions but there were 5-6 fairly consistent ones.  Vanessa asked me if I had drank enough water today....I did not.  I was on a jobsite all afternoon and out in the 100 degree heat with very little fluids.  She recommended drinking water and laying down to relax and the stopped soon after I took her advice.

7/27/2011 Today I am officially 29 weeks pregnant!  Weight - 233.8 lbs.  Our baby is growing rapidly now. This week she weighs about 2-1/2 pounds, like a butternut squash, and is a tad over 15" long from head to heel. Her muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and her head is getting bigger to accommodate her growing brain - which is busy developing billions of neurons. Every day, about 200 milligrams of calcium is deposited in your baby's skeleton, which is hardening. With this rapid growth, it is no surprise that our baby's nutritional needs reach their peak during this trimester. This week she has also become SUPER active.  She moves almost constantly now and it surprises me everytime it happens.  The movements are getting stronger as well.

8/3/2011  Today I am officially 30 weeks pregnant!  Weight - 237.9 lbs.  I seemed to have gained over 4 lbs this past week.  :(   Our baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in my uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face.  This week I have definitely become uncomfortable.  My back seems to constantly ache and it is hard to get up and down.

8/4/2011  We had an OBGYN appointment today.  We are now on a bi-mothly schedule for appointments.  Stats: blood pressure 128/70, weight 239.9 lbs.  This means I gained 7.8 lbs in the past two weeks, granted the weight at my last checkup was skewed low as I hadn't ate due to my glucose screening; but that is just ridiculous.  When I asked the doctor about it, she did say that we needed to watch that and I needed to try extra hard to watch my diet.  The frustrating thing is I haven't changed my eating habits in the past two weeks. I havn't ate perfect, but I haven't been eating cookies, candy, chips, etc. 

8/7/2011 - Today Abby, Sarah, Danna, and Janet threw me an adorable baby shower at Danna's house. They had a special project where each person brought a photo and created a 12x12 scrapbook page for Coco's story book album.  Additionally, the theme was storybook, so each person brought Coco a book. The food was delicious with chicken salad on crouissants, a chocolate fountain, veggies and dip, punch, etc. They also got me an adorable cake from Delicious Cakes, my favorite. It was absolutely lovely and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Juan attended as the official photographer.

8/10/2011  Today I am officially 31 weeks pregnant!  Stats: weight 237.1 lbs. This week, our baby measures over 16 inches long. She weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn his head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath her skin. She's also moving a lot, too, so I am having trouble sleeping because her baby's kicks and somersaults keep me up. All this moving is a sign that my baby is active and healthy.

8/15/2011  Today was our follow up Maternal Fetal medicine sonogram for my "advanced" maternal age with Dr. Koster.  Everything is tracking beautifully with Madalynne!  Her head is sized at exactly 32 weeks, her limbs are tracking at exactly 32 weeks and her belly is tracking at 33 weeks. There is plenty of fluid around her and she has already turned head down preparing for her entrance into the world.  She is perfectly average, which is something I never thought I would love to hear! She is measuring 4-1/2 lbs, again perfectly on track.  We began discussing the concern with preclampsia as my mother and sister both had it. She said that early indicators for preclampsia is actually a small belly.  Apparently preclampsia doesn't allow enough nutrients to get to the baby. The baby takes what she can, which goes directly to her brain and extremities, not leaving enough for her tummy and essentially forcing a baby diet.  With preclampsia, the baby's tummy is actually undersized, so the fact that Madalynne's belly is tracking a week larger is actually good. She is healthy.

8/16/2011 - Madalynne is beginning to become painful at times.  Here movements and kicks are quite strong and much bigger now.  Juan has been a sweetie throughout this pregnancy. My allergies have been terrible at night and I am so congested.  I have been running the humidifier every night.  For the last couple of weeks, Juan moves it out into place for me next to the bed and fills it with water. Then every morning he moves it back out of the way against the wall. It is not that heavy, but he doesn't want me lifting anything.

8/17/2011 - Today I am officially 32 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy stats: weight - 239.9 lbs. By now, our baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in my uterus. I should be gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to our baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth. Also, today our crib arrived! Her room is no longer bare.  We are almost ready for you, Madalynne!

8/18/2011 - Another doctor visit today.  Weight - 240.4 lbs, up 0.5 lbs from last doctor visit.  Blood pressure was 110//68 and everything is still looking and sounding great!

8/19/2011 - We put up the tree branch today over Coco's crib.  I still want to add some 3-D flowers, but even the birds, branch and flowers we do have up are pretty stinking cute! 

8/24/2011 - I am officially 33 weeks pregnant. This week it has become difficult to get a good night's sleep.  I am up about every 2 hours as Coco lives on top of my bladder!  Starting to feel uncomfortable; but overall I'm doing well.  Getting very excited for her arrival.  This week our baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark.  She is rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and her skeleton is hardening.  The bones in her skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for her to fit throught the birth canal.  These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood. Pregnancy stats: 245.6 lbs.  I seem to be gaining weight too rapidly all of the sudden.   

8/31/2011 - I am officially 34 weeks pregnant. I am getting HUGE! This week it has become a lot more difficult to move around, get in and out of the car, in and out of bed, and just overall waddling around. Juan keeps saying "waddle, waddle, quack, quack" everytime I walk into a room. I am really feeling like Madalynne will be arriving early. My feet swelled last Thursday and still have not went back down so now suddenly none of my shoes fit. She is also moving alot in larger movements. Her movements are visible now just by looking at my belly. Pregnancy stats: weight 246.5 lbs. Baby update: she now weighs about 4-3/4 lbs (like an average canaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers - which she'll need to regulate her body temperature once she's born - are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous sysem is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. Good news is babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine with no long term effects.

9/1/2011 - I went to the dr. this week as well. Weight at Dr. office was 246.1 lbs, up 5.7 lbs from last appointment, blood pressure 120/80 so still no sign of preclampsia! Yeah, because I was worried about the swelling. My stomach is also getting very hard and tight, she is still very lop-sided to my right side. I am back to awaking every two hours all night long to use the restroom.  To make it worse, my siatic nerve on both sides of my back is so painful at night that I can hardly get up and walk to the bathroom.  I am doing better at sleeping on my left side. 

9/3/2011 - Today Shannon and Angie threw me a baby shower at my mom's house.  They made the cutest invitations and the theme was pink...everything from the balloons, to the clothes diaper cake, to every bit of food, and down even to the pencils.  We played baby Bunko, I had never played this before.  The food consisted of love dip, punch, strawberry shortcake, strawberry cheesecake, strawberry covered pretzels, strawberry whoppers, strawberry oreos, starbursts, etc. It was a very sweet shower and I enjoyed myself tremendously. Juan attended as well and was the official photographer.

9/6/2011 - I felt Madalynne hiccup for the first time today.  It was more on my left side and was consistently ever couple of seconds for about 3 minutes.

9/7/2011 - Today I am officially 35 weeks pregnant! So close now that I can hardly stand it. This week my resting periods at night have shrunk to only an hour at a time. It is very difficult to get any decent sleep. I seem to also be having a lot of vivid nightmares during each hour of sleep.  Our baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that she's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5-1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew). Because it's so snug in my womb, she isn't likely to be somersaults anymore, but the number of times she kicks should remain about the same. Her kidneys are fully developed now, and her liver can process some waste products. Most of her basic physical development is now complete - she'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.